Delta Airlines: Wicked Witch of the West?

Was asked to give a talk at a University in, of all places, Parkville Kansas. Did it for free. Civic duty and all that stuff. They paid my ticket and hotel.

I fly Delta. First time.

No problem flying to Kansas. Give the talk. All goes off well. I'm at the airport, 4:45 a.m. this morning, on time, standing in front of the Delta airline desk, smiling, all ready to go home. The woman behind the desk is checking me in.

"Sir, do you have a return ticket?"

"Yes, ma'm, you're holding it."

"No. I mean a return ticket from the Dominican Republic?"

"But I bought that ticket there round trip. I bought it in the Dominican Republic."

"Yes sir, I know, but you have to have a return ticket from the Dominican Republic."

"What?"

"It's policy sir."

I've flown out of Dominican Republic over 40 times in the past 5 years. My passport is full of stamps. I'm flipping through it, trying to show her, "You see," I'm saying as politely as possible-- last thing I want to do is piss her off--"I fly in and out all the time."

"Yes sir, I see that."

"Maybe the problem is that I always US Air, American, and Spirit?" I'm saying it cheerfully, polite, I know we're going to clear this all up, just a little misunderstanding. Another moment I'll be on my way, "I didn't know that Delta has a different policy,"

"I'm sorry sir..... "

"But, I've gotta get home."

"Sir,"

"I gotta go to work, I don't have the money to..."

"SIR."

"I have responsibilities, and I don't have money to..."

"Sir, there are other customers waiting."

"Can you just get me to my next destination. It's Atlanta. Right here in the United States..."

"Sorry sir."

"I can't go to Atlanta, George."

"Next. passenger."

"Can I use the phone. My phone doesn't work here."

"Next please"

"There are no pay phones and well."

"Please step back sir."

"I have to stay in Kansas?"

"NEXT."

"Kansas? I have to stay in FUCKING KANSAS"

"SIR, PLEASE SIR."

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYONE IN KANSAS!"

It gets worse. After I missed the plane, I managed to get a copy of a return ticket reservation. But then they tell me that there are no flights out of US to the DR until tomorrow.

"There's only one flight sir, we can get you on at 10:00 tomorrow"

"There's only one flight from the United States to the Dominican Republic per day?

"That's correct sir."

"They have five international airports in the DR."

"Yes sir."

At some point later this morning, customer service sends me a very long winded US State department policy that specifies that the carrier is not responsible for any paper work, or laws, or authorizations and that the passenger is responsible for everything, including knowing all the bylaws that govern traveling....

Hmmm.

"What about the other airlines? Why don't they do this?"

No response.

I admit that sitting here in cold ass Kansas without jacket credit card, almost no cash, and the prospect of having to pay a couple grand for a ticket, I'm a little upset.

I'M STUCK IN KANSAS!!!!!

I was trying to do something good.

I feel like proof that no good deed goes unpunished.

I feel like I am the Wizard of Oz. Like I'm Dorthy.

Except that I want THE HELL OUT OF KANSAS.

Maybe if I stand in front of the Delta counter, close my eyes, click my heels together and repeat, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home." Delta will GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE?

I doubt it.

Delta is clearly no Good Witch of the North.

Thanks Delta, you’re a really Wicked Witch of the West. And Kansas City, no wonder no one wants to live here. “No place like home, no place like home, no place like home, no place like home, no place like home….”